I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
