he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i think my cat just said my name.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
