Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
