Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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