I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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