Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize