I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
