so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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