I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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