It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
