This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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