seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
