My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
