Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
