We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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