just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
