So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
