I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize