so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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