Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
