Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
