Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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