"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
