Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
