I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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