by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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