I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
