We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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