I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
