whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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