Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
