It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
