I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
