I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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