3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
