haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
