id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
why is half of my head shaved?
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