We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
