you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
