I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
