So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The ass gains better be worth it
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