hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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