He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
vagina is talking i cant
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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