i jhust puked up my retainher.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
