you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im part way to drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
