Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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