Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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