So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
