If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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