I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
