So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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