Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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