Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
