Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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