No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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