You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
