Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
