Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
