I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm getting married
To pizza
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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