Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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