Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
