Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
