We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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