So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
