sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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