Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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