I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
