Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
