first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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