you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
