I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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