if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
