I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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