Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
