oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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