why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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