She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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