I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
