So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
