I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
